she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
