i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
