The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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