woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
