Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
