you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize