She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
