im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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