I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Quick, to the slutcave!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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