No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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