i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
