Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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