The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
