you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
