yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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