How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize