Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
love makes seman taste better
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize