the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
