So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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