What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
