Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
