Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm too high and old for this...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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