my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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