I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
