Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize