I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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