I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
