I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
