We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
