I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
