I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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