I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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