Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
