Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You dont lie about slip and slides
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
