3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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