Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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