we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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