you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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