On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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