Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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