question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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