You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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