Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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