He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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