Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
