I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
