Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Non-Jews are for practice
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
