Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
high people should be assigned attendants
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize