Whod you bang
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
