he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
