You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
