Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize