She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
