Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
