my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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