I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize