I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
