Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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