It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
