do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
