no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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