so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
