is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
