I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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