According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize