Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize