What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
