so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
